As happy as I am to win these awards I would give them up in a second to have Tim back on this earth. I am so grateful to Tim, his wife Kaylan and the entire Often Awesome Army for allowing us to do 34 episodes on their battle with ALS. It sucked watching a person suffer with ALS. It sucked even more when that person is your friend.
We documented this series from his diagnosis to his passing. That took two years. In two years we saw his body give way to this horrible disease. The most frustrating thing was to watch this disease progress and there is nothing you can do about it. Not only watch it…but edit it. Over and over. There is a portion of your brain that shuts down and allows you to work and get things done. But it wears on you and does damage.
After Tim passed, I kept getting sick over and over for two months straight. I had fatigue like never before, I was worn down and depressed. I know it was Tim’s time to go but my body was constantly in this go go go mode and would do anything for that man. I wanted him to keep fighting. But that is the stubborn and selfish side of me. When he told me he wanted to see his memorial video before the next episode my heart sank and I knew he was ready to go. The amount of pain he was facing was beyond intense, it was cruel.
I remember getting the call from his friends that he was unconscious and they didn’t know if he was ever to awake again. I came by the house on a Friday, to see my friend for the last time. It was hard, even though you try to prepare yourself and know that this is the best for him. I looked around the house and his friends were hanging out, talking, drinking and playing his favorite music. If you didn’t know Tim you would think it was disrespectful…it was a beautiful moment. Tim asked us not to shoot this moment and I’m so glad he said that and I’m not sure if he said that for us, him or his friends. Whatever his reason I’m glad he did, cause if he asked us to shoot it…I would’ve.
I came by the house on Saturday to see Tim one more time. He was conscious for a brief moments throughout the day. I was fortunate that I was there during one of those moments. I walked over to him, held his head in my hands and told him how proud I was of him, he did an amazing job and that I loved him. I looked into his eyes and I could tell he heard me. I’m so grateful that was able to tell him that. Tuesday, Tim finally left his body.
I’m a mess right now reliving that. These tears are from missing a friend. From watching him go through all the pain and suffering. From knowing that research for this disease is terribly underfunded. From knowing there has been no significant treatment to slow down the disease. For the families that have to watch their loved ones go through this. For the future people that will be diagnosed breaks my heart.
Winning these awards is absolutely amazing. The Vimeo Award is extra special. Their community is full of amazing films and filmmakers from around the world. To bring home an award for this series is the highlight of my professional career. This web series is for the world to know this disease and not turn away, but to look at one another and say how can we cure this fucking disease.